| JASON'S WORLD | ||||||||||||||||||||
| The Art of Deception |
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car. YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK IF...... You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People." You think Genitalia is an Italian airline. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this"? Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. You go to your family reunion looking for a date. | |||||||||||||||||||
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REASONS IT'S GREAT TO BE A MAN Your ass is never a factor in a job interview. Your orgasms are real. Always. Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow. Wedding plans take care of themselves. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be president. You can wear a white shirt to a water park. Foreplay is optional. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut. The world is your urinal. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky. Same work... more pay. Wrinkles add character. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100. If you retain water, it's in a canteen. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. Porn movies are designed with you in mind. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?" One mood, all the time. | Next South Park Movie | |||||||||||||||||||
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| Kieran Harte Recently Spotted in London |
THE AUSTRALIAN MUSIC SCENE - AUGUST REPORT Lots have been happening on the Australian Music Scene since the last report, as tours are happening left, right and centre. POWDERFINGER and SOMETHING FOR KATE swing by Melbourne at the end of July to play 5 shows around town, see local press for details. POWDERFINGER have a new track on the Australian film "Two Hands" soundtrack, whilst SFK will release the second single from Beautiful Sharks- "Hallways" on 9 August. POLLYANNA play in support of U.S. three piece BEN FOLDS FIVE at the Palais Theatre mid-August, whilst SILVERCHAIR play Melbourne Park with guests PLACEBO and PRE-SHRUNK on 12 August. Speaking of PRE-SHRUNK, they also head of on the road during August and September for a national tour with Sydney outfit NITOCRIS and Melbourne popsters MOTORACE. All three bands have excellent current releases, check your local shops. Aussies abroad KYLIE MINOGUE and BEN LEE have recorded "The Reflex" as a duet for the Australian Duran Duran Tribute album. THE LIVING END (who also do "Girls on Film" for the same album) are joined by fellow Aussie punksters FRENZAL RHOMB on the U.S. Vans Warped Tour throughout the Northern Hemisphere summer. THE LIVING END returns to Australia in October for a national tour. Cheers Kieran Harte & Adam Wood | |||||||||||||||||||
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